The Family Jewels

The Family Jewels. The greatest band of the '90's that your aunt, the guy at the gas station, and a few kids in the UK have ever heard.

Welcome to The Family Jewels Stage Performer Hall of Fame

Throughout the years, The Family Jewels were known for their riotous stage show. This site is dedicated to the heroic men who got the laughes, who caused the screams, and who made the magic come to life each night.


The Legendary Azz

From 1992-1997

Specialties: Homeless man, Trombone player, Freak, Alien, Chickenman
Greatest Moment:
During the debut of the 1997 TFJ Classic "Slum," emerged from a pile of papers at the foot of the stage, scaring the audience half to death.

Christopher "MC Evil Jesus" Wallach

From 1996 to 2000

Specialties: Pimp, Mentally Disabled, Pornoconfetti

Where is he now?: Chris is chillin' in Queens

Geoff Rickley

From 1996 to 1999

Specialties: Alien, Wheelchair victim, Nurse, Lonesome Guy on Stage, Homeless man, Chickenman

Where is he now?: Geoff went on to front the successful emo-group "Thursday"

Paul "Pimpfabulous"


From 1996 to 1998


Pimp, TFJ Merchandise Distributor

Where is he now?:

Paul is still pimpin' it old school

Punk legend, Joe Darone

From 1996 to 2000

Specialties: Chickenman, S&M Demon Boy, Apple Pie thrower
Notes: Joe Co-Produced TFJ's 2nd Album "Chuck and Louise"

Where is he now?: Joe leads Suit of Lights and does some big-time suit work in the NYC area.



Joltin' Joe Fass

From 1992 to 1993

Specialties: Lacrosse Player, Tricyclist, clothesline holder, bowling ball roller

Notes: Joe mysteriously vanished after The Family Jewels first ever performance at the 1992 EHS Variety show. His legendary performance lives on in the hearts, minds, and souls of those who witnessed it.

Where is he now: Whereabouts unknown.