Spectacular new images from NASA's Cassini spacecraft orbiting Saturn have captured the most detailed views ever of an enormous hurricane churning around the ringed planet's north pole.
The stunning new images show that the storm's eye is approximately 1,250 miles wide — about 20x larger than a typical Earth hurricane. And the Saturn maelstrom is more powerful than its Earth counterparts, with winds at its outer edge whipping around at 330 mph.
'We did a double take when we saw this vortex because it looks so much like an untreated growth Miller had on his back,' said bbarry, recalling the moment in the old Big Blue Meenie Studios when a concerned Miller showed the group his cyst in 1995, "It brought back horrifying memories for all of us."
"Dude," said Mikey U, legendary drummer for the band, shaking his head and shivering, "Dude, dude, dude." Some say, when Miller revealed the growth on his shoulder to legendary Mix Engineer/Producer/Garrulous Savant, Tim "Rumblefish" Gilles, Tim nearly cried.
With new videos recently discovered in a shoebox, including interviews of the band before a legendary comeback performance, a TFJ documentary has slated for release between 2013 and 2030. Stay tuned.
Directors for the project are currently being scouted as are actors to play re-enactments.
Possible candidate to play "The Legend."
VIsit us at www.facebook.com/pages/The-Family-Jewels/210708190183 for all of the news you could ever not really not want!
Looking to download a song, relive a legendary TFJ performance, spank it to bbarry, john, Miller, or Mikey? Visit the band's Reverbnation site at www.reverbnation.com/thefamilyjewels
inAs NASA's Curiosity took its first test drive, in preparation for longer trips on the red planet, its cameras picked up something incredible. Following the rover's leisurely roll, that consisted of a fifteen foot cruise and 120 degree rotation, this image was captured by Curiosity's navigation camera.
When questioned by NASA on how the record got there, a person close to the band stated, "It must have ended up there after bbarry chucked it at Miller for writing on his face in Tempe, AZ." Other reports have it being propelled into the air following the horrific crash of the Jewel Van in the early 2000s.
After running extensive tests to reconstruct the final moments of the Jewel Van, NASA scientists agree that, based on the rate of spinning, the high speed at which Miller was driving, and the amount of ice on Route 78, this may indeed be a fact.
Shown here, a lost copy of the clear vinyl 7" "Happy as a Fly" on Mars.
Texts have been made. Facebooks have been facebooked. Tweets have been twatted. A new project involving members of the greatest band of the nineties may be in the works.
Reports have it that members of TFJ have agreed never to record or play live under The Family Jewels name without participation of all 4 members, so this new project will be a completely different entity. Sort of like the band ASIA, but way cooler.
In a ceremony long overdue, members of the TFJ Stage Performer Hall of Fame Secret Society of People who Induct Other People Into Things have announced this year's class of 2012.
Joseph Fass, one of the original stage performers whose amazing skills, incredible timing, and lacrosse gear made TFJ's first ever LIVE performance at the 1992 EHS Variety Show legendary.
Visit the TFJ Stage Performer Hall of Fame page for our tribute to Joe.
Got a smart phone? Really? Go fuck yourself. Then take it out and visit thefamilyjewelsrock.webs.com on your precious smart phone. You can now take your love for The Family Jewels anywhere you go. Show friends, family, random people on the streets, your cat. Knock yourself out. But first visit our mobile site. Then knock yourself out.
Bored out of his mind because of a thorough beating he was taking at the hands of Chris "MC Evil Jesus"Wallach in the octogenarian past-time Rummy, a beleaguered bbarry offered up a way to make the game more interesting. While listening to 80's metal on SiriusXM's Boneyard, he suggested every move made during the card game be lip-sync'd or made in a very metal fashion (eg,air scream, Dio fingers, drumstick behind the head and throw down, when 3 6's were thrown down all praise to Satan.) After 2 hands, the men found it very UN-Metal to continue this way, so the game continued as originally planned.
Long over-looked, a former original stage performer of The Family Jewels will soon be inducted into the least-known Hall of Fame in American History. More news as it develops and when the Webmaster has more time on his hands.
As anyone who's anyone knows, The Family Jewels were formed on the night of August 1, 1991 when friends of all shapes and sizes gathered together for beer and music-making. The tapes from that night went on to give the boys a cult following and the rest is history (See Bio page for details). Well, August 1, 2011 came and went. Rumor has it, the 21st Anniversary will pass with the same fanfare. Perhaps rumor will also have a reunion in the works? Rumor only knows.
Miller, bbarry, and Mike U. reunited as part of a 10 bar tour of insanity. TFJ News was not allowed to join the event, which was rumored to be highlighted by a raucous school bus ride, broken glasses, bullhorn nonsense, and a few unmentionables.
After touring tornado-ravaged Kew Garden Hills, drinking lots of beer, and eating Cuban sandwiches and pizza, Mike and bbarry return home from Queens.
The spastic, yet debonair, lead singer and courageous, manly, and quiet drummer of The Family Jewels are headed to Queens to reunite with former Rosebush White drummer and satanic rap artist MC Evil Jesus in what many have reported will be an event of epic proportions. "When these guys get together it's like Boom-shaka-laka!" reported Chris Webber of Flushing, "Someone's wallet will definitely be taken." Rumors are afoot as many insiders report that the trio will be making a trip to legendary Big Blue Meenie recording studio. More news as it develops.
Sure. We've said that before. Yadda yadda. However, this time it's for real anus. The TFJ Movie Editing Squad is hard at work putting together future "Banned from the Melody Bar" Videos, The Family Jewels are now featured on Twitter, Reverbnation, and available for sale on Snocap. And, currently, one of the members of the great unknown band of the '90's is seriously porking the crap out of your mother. So straighten your shit out and keep visiting. We're tired of this complaining shit.
Here. To hold you over, we'll re-post the award-winning sketch of Sal....
The wait is over! Starting this month and continuing throughout the year, the band's infamous performance at the legendary New Brunswick, NJ club, The Melody Bar, will be available song-by-song!
In 1997, The Family Jewels hit Hub City like no other band, bringing their sick live show and incredible sound to the famous Melody Bar. Crazed fans causing a near riot combined with the band's renowned stage performers, shaving cream, apple pie, and porno confetti ultimately led to the band's lifetime ban from the club.
But the legend lives on here. Visit the TFJ Lost Video Page.
First up? TFJ's hit off their second album "Chuck and Louise", the rock-alicious "Boy in the Well."
On the 9th day, of the 9th month, in this, the 9th year of the new millennium, the legendary 1991 song by The Family Jewels, "The Number 9 is Asinine" will be available FREE for Download at the following sites:
Visit early and often to get your nine on!
First myspace.com/thefamilyjewelsrock. Then Reverbnation.com and Facebook.
Now, The Family Jewels are part of Twitter.
The band has no idea what twitter is, they understand it has to do with something about phones and messaging, so they have decided to conquer this form of useless media as well.
Visit the band on www.twitter.com/TFJband and do what ever it is you do on twitter. Then go play with yourselves!
Rumors are afloat that, after 7 years since their breakup, The Family Jewels are being urged to reunite for a final show.
The quirky quartet spent nearly 10 years on the road, performing all over the Tri-state area and across the United States until
2002 when they parted ways. Fans, friends, and family alike are keen to the idea of a final show, but are the Jewels?
More news as it develops.
Until then, visit the TFJ Web Poll and cast your vote.
17 years in the making, The Family Jewels Stage Performer Hall of Fame has inducted the biggest and best stage performers in the band's history. First inductee, the Legendary Joe Azz, made his debut in the band's very first 1992 stage show and contributed to some of the most hysterical and rivoting moments the band has ever had.
Christopher "MC Evil Jesus" Wallach clicked with the band's sick sense of humor, bringing his flair and energy to every TFJ live show. Geoff Rickley, of Thursday fame, was, at the time, a High School student but his performaces were unmatched. A famous Rickley quote after a show in the middle of rural Pennsylvania: "Dude, we need to find a backdoor or something. These guys are gonna kill us."
Paul Campos, a high school friend and spectacular TFJ pimp, handed out Family Jewel money during a show and electrified the crowd with his flamboyant pimp style. And finally, Joe Darone of the FIENDZ and Suit of Lights shocked the crowd at the legendary TFJ Melody Bar show, by whipping fellow stage performers dressed only in a black electrical tape and a creepy transparent mask. The show would be the band's final New Brunswick show, due to the amount of pornoconfetti, shaving cream, apple pie, crowd antics, and overall mayhem.
All men contributed to the greatness of the TFJ Live Show and we thank them very much for their dedication.
Always in a hurry somewhere, bbarry, the legendary crooner of The Family Jewels, has resorted to pretending he is in a club when people call. "Whenever I call him, I know he's in the car and the bastard finds the first dance music channel and blasts it before picking up," said a person close to the singer, "Then he'll tell me he's in a club and to hold on. Then he lowers his radio and tells me he ducked into the bathroom." Calls to the singer were virtually impossible to make, as he couldn't find a quiet enough bathroom or coatroom to duck into that would drown out a rave re-mix of Marc Anthony's "I need to know."
Barry Braxton of Lazarus Effect and Ajax Beatphreaker fame, was home Tuesday night at 3am and sent a "What color crayon are you?" Facebook application to many of his fellow facebookers, setting a record for the most Facebook requests sent by an individual in the history of the online community.
Attempts to break his own record will be carried out tonight as he continues to recruit members for Facebook Mafia Wars and send requests for membership in his several groups, including the "These are the Worst Pancakes I've ever tasted" Group and the "How to fake a British Accent" Group.
BREAKING NEWS: A weary facebook friend has reported that Barry has sent her the "I'm Rufus Wainwright, which Canadian-American singer-songwriter are you? Quiz." TFJ News will continue to cover this story as it develops. Stay Tuned.
Mike, the quiet Keith Moon of The Family Jewels, quietly and secretly blew a load the other night. No one knows how, when, or with who he blew this load, but sources not so close to the TFJ skin slapper say this is only natural. A neighbor nearest to the event was quoted in saying, "He's quiet. Doesn't say much, so it doesn't surprise me that the load he blew was relatively silent." A few teenagers were outside his apartment having a few cigarettes when they heard a subtle commotion. "Something like 'Fawkin' aw!' or some shit," said one of the teens, "I was like what the hell was that?" The group thought it might have been a cat at the time, but when told it may have been a load being blown most were a bit perturbed. More news as it comes.
Shortly after the new year, Mikey and bbarry travelled to the Queens studio of the legenday MC Evil Jesus, Christopher Wallach, where they recorded a remix/parody of the legendary David Grusin classic, "The Theme to Good Times." The song is in the mastering stage is set to be released by Fred's Crack Records this coming year to a very select audience. Sources close to the duo claim it's a hysterical return to the Jewel humor rock that launched the band in the early nineties.
Sources close to the manly TFJ Keyboardist have told TFJ News that he may be getting married in the near future. Shortly after the rumor broke, throngs of women poured into the street crying, but authorities call this a coincidence - the melee was due to a gas leak at a local nail salon. More news as it develops and many congrats to Mike.
Upon receiving a request from John to trade items such as a Renaissance painting in the Facebook application "Mafia Wars," bbarry replied that he wasn't aware that trading was an option with the popular application. He then offered a counter trade which included an "Ivory strap-on, 2 pairs of "twat goggles," and a pair of brass "Foot-knuckles."