The Family Jewels

On the 9th day, of the 9th month, in this, the 9th year of the new millennium, the legendary 1991 song by The Family Jewels, "The Number 9 is Asinine" will be available FREE for Download at the following sites:

Reverbnation.com/thefamilyjewels

Visit early and often to get your nine on!

TFJ Website updated.

First myspace.com/thefamilyjewelsrock. Then Reverbnation.com and Facebook.

Now, The Family Jewels are part of Twitter.

The band has no idea what twitter is, they understand it has to do with something about phones and messaging, so they have decided to conquer this form of useless media as well.

Visit the band on www.twitter.com/TFJband and do what ever it is you do on twitter. Then go play with yourselves!

Rumors are afloat that, after 7 years since their breakup, The Family Jewels are being urged to reunite for a final show.

The quirky quartet spent nearly 10 years on the road, performing all over the Tri-state area and across the United States until

2002 when they parted ways. Fans, friends, and family alike are keen to the idea of a final show, but are the Jewels?

More news as it develops.

Until then, visit the TFJ Web Poll and cast your vote.

17 years in the making, The Family Jewels Stage Performer Hall of Fame has inducted the biggest and best stage performers in the band's history. First inductee, the Legendary Joe Azz, made his debut in the band's very first 1992 stage show and contributed to some of the most hysterical and rivoting moments the band has ever had.

Christopher "MC Evil Jesus" Wallach clicked with the band's sick sense of humor, bringing his flair and energy to every TFJ live show. Geoff Rickley, of Thursday fame, was, at the time, a High School student but his performaces were unmatched. A famous Rickley quote after a show in the middle of rural Pennsylvania: "Dude, we need to find a backdoor or something. These guys are gonna kill us." 

Paul Campos, a high school friend and spectacular TFJ pimp, handed out Family Jewel money during a show and electrified the crowd with his flamboyant pimp style. And finally, Joe Darone of the FIENDZ and Suit of Lights shocked the crowd at the legendary TFJ Melody Bar show, by whipping fellow stage performers dressed only in a black electrical tape and a creepy transparent mask. The show would be the band's final New Brunswick show, due to the amount of pornoconfetti, shaving cream, apple pie, crowd antics, and overall mayhem.

All men contributed to the greatness of the TFJ Live Show and we thank them very much for their dedication.

Always in a hurry somewhere, bbarry, the legendary crooner of The Family Jewels, has resorted to pretending he is in a club when people call. "Whenever I call him, I know he's in the car and the bastard finds the first dance music channel and blasts it before picking up," said a person close to the singer, "Then he'll tell me he's in a club and to hold on. Then he lowers his radio and tells me he ducked into the bathroom."  Calls to the singer were virtually impossible to make, as he couldn't find a quiet enough bathroom or coatroom to duck into that would drown out a rave re-mix of Marc Anthony's "I need to know."

Barry Braxton of Lazarus Effect and Ajax Beatphreaker fame, was home Tuesday night at 3am and sent a "What color crayon are you?" Facebook application to many of his fellow facebookers, setting a record for the most Facebook requests sent by an individual in the history of the online community.

Attempts to break his own record will be carried out tonight as he continues to recruit members for Facebook Mafia Wars and send requests for membership in his several groups, including the "These are the Worst Pancakes I've ever tasted" Group and the "How to fake a British Accent" Group.

BREAKING NEWS: A weary facebook friend has reported that Barry has sent her the "I'm Rufus Wainwright, which Canadian-American singer-songwriter are you? Quiz." TFJ News will continue to cover this story as it develops. Stay Tuned.

Mike, the quiet Keith Moon of The Family Jewels, quietly and secretly blew a load the other night. No one knows how, when, or with who he blew this load, but sources not so close to the TFJ skin slapper say this is only natural. A neighbor nearest to the event was quoted in saying, "He's quiet. Doesn't say much, so it doesn't surprise me that the load he blew was relatively silent." A few teenagers were outside his apartment having a few cigarettes when they heard a subtle commotion. "Something like 'Fawkin' aw!' or some shit," said one of the teens, "I was like what the hell was that?" The group thought it might have been a cat at the time, but when told it may have been a load being blown most were a bit perturbed. More news as it comes.

Shortly after the new year, Mikey and bbarry travelled to the Queens studio of the legenday MC Evil Jesus, Christopher Wallach, where they recorded a remix/parody of the legendary David Grusin classic, "The Theme to Good Times." The song is in the mastering stage is set to be released by Fred's Crack Records this coming year to a very select audience. Sources close to the duo claim it's a hysterical return to the Jewel humor rock that launched the band in the early nineties.

Sources close to the manly TFJ Keyboardist have told TFJ News that he may be getting married in the near future. Shortly after the rumor broke, throngs of women poured into the street crying, but authorities call this a coincidence - the melee was due to a gas leak at a local nail salon. More news as it develops and many congrats to Mike.  

Upon receiving a request from John to trade items such as a Renaissance painting in the Facebook application "Mafia Wars," bbarry replied that he wasn't aware that trading was an option with the popular application. He then offered a counter trade which included an "Ivory strap-on, 2 pairs of "twat goggles," and a pair of brass "Foot-knuckles."